fix: load social data on WS ready and use federation-safe canonical matching for friend button state

Friends/requests were only loaded when FriendsPage or ActivityPanel rendered,
so profile modals in space views always showed "Add Friend" even for existing
friends. Now loadFriends/loadRequests fire on every WS ready event.

Also adds canonicalUserMatch() with cascading ID/homeUserId/username+instance
fallback, replacing fragile homeUserId-only matching in getFriendshipStatus.

packages/web/src/hooks/useWebSocket.ts

@@ -263,6 +263,15 @@ function handleEvent(origin: string, event: ServerEvent): void {
           }
         }
       }
+
+      // Load social data so profile modals show correct friendship state.
+      // Runs on each ready (home + remote) — loadFriends/loadRequests fan out
+      // across all connected instances and replace the arrays (idempotent).
+      {
+        const { loadFriends, loadRequests } = useSocialStore.getState();
+        loadFriends();
+        loadRequests();
+      }
       break;
 
     case 'message_created':