fix: federated friend request routed to wrong user with same name

When two instances each have a native user with the same username, the
Add Friend search card for the federated one sent its request to the
local namesake instead of the intended remote user.

Root cause: `isNative = !homeUserId` in socialStore's searchUsers and
loadFriends dedup. The server backfills native users' homeUserId to
their own id so federation tier-1 lookups succeed, so `homeUserId` is
set on natives too. Only `homeInstance` distinguishes native (null)
from replicated stubs. With the wrong check, no entry was ever "native"
and the home-origin stub of the remote user was kept over the true
native record — leaving `_instanceOrigin=''`, which caused the Send
button handler to drop the domain suffix and POST to the home API,
where "nova" resolved to a completely different local user.

Also fixes loadRequests dedup to prefer the target-native record so the
search card correctly flips to "Request Pending" after sending.

docs/systems/social.md

@@ -401,13 +401,13 @@ type TaggedUser = User & { _instanceOrigin: string };
 2. Fires `Promise.allSettled()` with:
    - Home instance: `api.social.friends()`
    - Each connected remote instance: `inst.api.social.friends()`
-3. **Deduplication:** Uses a `Set<string>` keyed by `${friend.id}:${origin}` -- prevents duplicates within the same instance
+3. **Deduplication by canonical identity:** Uses `Map<string, number>` keyed by `friend.homeUserId ?? friend.id`. First occurrence wins, but **native profiles replace replicated stubs**: a native profile (`homeInstance` is null) found for a canonical ID that was previously seen as a stub replaces the entry. Critically, the "native" check is `!homeInstance`, **not** `!homeUserId` -- the server backfills native users' `homeUserId` to their own id so federation tier-1 lookups succeed (see `federation.ts:backfillHomeUserId`), so `homeUserId` is set on natives too.
 4. **Asset normalization:** For remote-origin friends, calls `normalizeUserAssets(friend, origin)` to resolve relative avatar/banner URLs to absolute remote URLs
 5. Stores the merged, tagged array as `friends`
 
 ### Cross-Instance Request Loading (`loadRequests`)
 
-Same `Promise.allSettled()` fan-out pattern as `loadFriends`, with same dedup key: `${request.id}:${origin}`. Normalizes assets for remote request user profiles.
+Same `Promise.allSettled()` fan-out pattern as `loadFriends`. **Dedup by the other party's canonical identity** (`request.user.homeUserId ?? request.user.id`), preferring the record from the instance where the other party is native (`!request.user.homeInstance`). This is critical: a cross-instance request exists as two rows -- one on each instance -- and both sides return it, but only the record from the target's home instance has the canonical (non-stub) user ids and the correct `_instanceOrigin` tag. Matching those is what lets the Add Friend search card flip to "Request Pending" after sending. Normalizes assets for remote request user profiles.
 
 ### Sending Friend Requests (Federation Routing)
 
@@ -426,8 +426,9 @@ Same `Promise.allSettled()` fan-out pattern as `loadFriends`, with same dedup ke
 
 1. Fires parallel searches to home + all connected instances
 2. **Deduplication by canonical identity:** Uses `Map<string, number>` keyed by `user.homeUserId ?? user.id`
-   - First occurrence wins, but **native profiles replace replicated stubs**: if a native profile (`homeUserId` is null) is found for a canonical ID that was previously seen as a replicated stub, it replaces the entry
+   - First occurrence wins, but **native profiles replace replicated stubs**: if a native profile (`homeInstance` is null) is found for a canonical ID that was previously seen as a replicated stub, it replaces the entry
-   - This ensures the user sees the "real" profile rather than a replicated copy
+   - The "native" check is `!homeInstance`, **not** `!homeUserId`. Native users have `homeUserId` backfilled to their own id by the server so federation tier-1 lookups succeed (`federation.ts:backfillHomeUserId`). `homeInstance` is the only field that reliably distinguishes native users (null) from replicated stubs (set to domain).
+   - This ensures the user sees the "real" profile (including the correct `_instanceOrigin` tag) rather than a replicated stub whose origin would be the caller's home instance
 
 ### Instance API Resolution (`getApiForOrigin`)
 

packages/web/src/stores/socialStore.ts

@@ -111,7 +111,10 @@ export const useSocialStore = create<SocialState>((set, get) => ({
       const allFriends: TaggedFriend[] = [];
       // Deduplicate by canonical identity — a user who exists on multiple
       // instances (native + replicated stub) should appear once.
-      // Native profiles (homeUserId is null) replace stubs when found.
+      // Native profiles (homeInstance is null) replace stubs when found.
+      // Note: homeUserId alone is NOT a native indicator — the server backfills
+      // native users' homeUserId to their own id so federation tier-1 lookups
+      // can find them. Only homeInstance distinguishes native from replicated.
       const seen = new Map<string, number>(); // canonicalId → index in allFriends
 
       for (const result of results) {
@@ -119,12 +122,13 @@ export const useSocialStore = create<SocialState>((set, get) => ({
         const { friends, origin } = result.value;
         for (const friend of friends) {
           const canonicalId = friend.homeUserId ?? friend.id;
-          const isNative = !friend.homeUserId;
+          const isNative = !friend.homeInstance;
           const existingIdx = seen.get(canonicalId);
 
           if (existingIdx !== undefined) {
             // Replace replicated stub with native profile when found
             if (isNative) {
+              if (origin) normalizeUserAssets(friend, origin);
               allFriends[existingIdx] = { ...friend, _instanceOrigin: origin };
             }
             continue;
@@ -165,18 +169,31 @@ export const useSocialStore = create<SocialState>((set, get) => ({
       const allRequests: TaggedFriendRequest[] = [];
       // Deduplicate by the canonical identity of the other party —
       // there can only be one pending request between any two users.
-      const seen = new Set<string>();
+      // Prefer the record from the instance where the other party is native
+      // (homeInstance is null), because that record's ids and _instanceOrigin
+      // line up with the discover/search cards and the UserProfileModal —
+      // this is what lets buttons like "Request Pending" match correctly.
+      // Note: homeUserId alone is NOT a native indicator — see loadFriends.
+      const seen = new Map<string, number>();
 
       for (const result of results) {
         if (result.status !== 'fulfilled') continue;
         const { requests, origin } = result.value;
         for (const request of requests) {
-          // Use the other party's canonical identity for dedup
           const otherCanonicalId = request.user?.homeUserId ?? request.user?.id;
-          if (otherCanonicalId) {
+          const otherIsNativeHere = !request.user?.homeInstance;
-            if (seen.has(otherCanonicalId)) continue;
+          const existingIdx = otherCanonicalId ? seen.get(otherCanonicalId) : undefined;
-            seen.add(otherCanonicalId);
+
+          if (existingIdx !== undefined) {
+            // Replace prior stub-origin record with native one
+            if (otherIsNativeHere) {
+              if (origin && request.user) normalizeUserAssets(request.user, origin);
+              allRequests[existingIdx] = { ...request, _instanceOrigin: origin };
             }
+            continue;
+          }
+
+          if (otherCanonicalId) seen.set(otherCanonicalId, allRequests.length);
           if (origin && request.user) normalizeUserAssets(request.user, origin);
           allRequests.push({ ...request, _instanceOrigin: origin });
         }
@@ -335,9 +352,13 @@ export const useSocialStore = create<SocialState>((set, get) => ({
         for (const user of result.value) {
           // Deduplicate by canonical identity: replicated profiles share
           // the same homeUserId as the native profile's id, so collapse them.
-          // Prefer native profiles (homeUserId is null) over replicated ones.
+          // Prefer native profiles (homeInstance is null) over replicated ones.
+          // Note: homeUserId alone is NOT a native indicator — the server
+          // backfills native users' homeUserId to their own id so federation
+          // tier-1 lookups can find them. Only homeInstance distinguishes
+          // native from replicated.
           const canonicalId = user.homeUserId ?? user.id;
-          const isNative = !user.homeUserId;
+          const isNative = !user.homeInstance;
           const existingIdx = seen.get(canonicalId);
 
           if (existingIdx !== undefined) {