fix: revert outgoing peering blocks — autoAcceptPeering only gates incoming

autoAcceptPeering means 'don't accept peering initiated by others', not
'don't initiate peering ourselves'. Two checks were incorrectly blocking
outgoing peering when auto-accept was off:

1. ensurePeered() refused to auto-initiate — reverted. When a local user
   sends a DM, the server should initiate peering. The remote's
   peer/accept decides whether to accept or queue.

2. queueOutboxEvent() refused to create placeholders — reverted. The
   outbox needs placeholders to queue entries. Without them, DM relay
   silently fails.

packages/server/src/utils/federationOutbox.ts

@@ -151,24 +151,17 @@ export function queueOutboxEvent(
       ? peers.filter(p => targetPeerOrigins.includes(p.origin))
       : peers;
 
-    // For targeted origins with no existing peer record, create pending placeholders
-    // (only when autoAcceptPeering is enabled — otherwise the admin controls all peering)
+    // For targeted origins with no existing peer record, create pending placeholders.
+    // autoAcceptPeering controls INCOMING acceptance, not outgoing initiation —
+    // when a local user sends a DM requiring relay, the server creates the placeholder
+    // regardless of the setting. The peer/accept gate on the REMOTE side decides
+    // whether to accept or queue our request.
     if (targetPeerOrigins) {
-      const autoAcceptSettings = db
-        .select({ autoAcceptPeering: schema.instanceSettings.autoAcceptPeering })
-        .from(schema.instanceSettings)
-        .where(eq(schema.instanceSettings.id, 1))
-        .get();
-      const autoAcceptPeering = (autoAcceptSettings?.autoAcceptPeering ?? 1) === 1;
-
       const matchedOrigins = new Set(matchedPeers.map(p => p.origin));
 
       for (const origin of targetPeerOrigins) {
         if (matchedOrigins.has(origin)) continue;
 
-        // Don't auto-create placeholders when autoAcceptPeering is off
-        if (!autoAcceptPeering) continue;
-
         // Check if there's a rejected/revoked peer we should skip
         const existingPeer = db
           .select({ status: schema.federationPeers.status })