fix: DM close visibility flag, wire Remove Friend button, harden deploy script

- Redesign DM close as a visibility flag (closed column) instead of row deletion,
  so message broadcasts still reach users who closed a DM conversation
- Add broadcastDmMessage() helper that auto-resurfaces closed DMs when new messages arrive
- Wire Remove Friend button in DM welcome header with onClick handler and friend check
- Fix deploy.sh to cd to its own directory so rsync always runs from project root

packages/server/src/routes/dm.ts

@@ -27,6 +27,65 @@ function sanitizeUser(row: typeof schema.users.$inferSelect): User {
   };
 }
 
+/**
+ * Broadcasts a DM message to all members of a DM channel.
+ * For members who have closed the channel (closed=1), also sends a
+ * dm_channel_created event to resurface the channel in their sidebar,
+ * and flips their closed flag back to 0.
+ */
+export function broadcastDmMessage(dmChannelId: string, message: DmMessageWithUser): void {
+  const db = getDb();
+  const dmMembers = db.select()
+    .from(schema.dmMembers)
+    .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, dmChannelId))
+    .all();
+
+  for (const member of dmMembers) {
+    // If this member had closed the DM, resurface it first
+    if (member.closed === 1) {
+      db.update(schema.dmMembers)
+        .set({ closed: 0 })
+        .where(and(
+          eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, dmChannelId),
+          eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, member.userId),
+        ))
+        .run();
+
+      // Build and send dm_channel_created so their sidebar picks it up
+      const allMemberRows = db.select()
+        .from(schema.dmMembers)
+        .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, dmChannelId))
+        .all();
+      const memberUserIds = allMemberRows.map(m => m.userId);
+      const users = memberUserIds.length > 0
+        ? db.select().from(schema.users).where(inArray(schema.users.id, memberUserIds)).all()
+        : [];
+
+      const dmChannel = db.select()
+        .from(schema.dmChannels)
+        .where(eq(schema.dmChannels.id, dmChannelId))
+        .get();
+
+      if (dmChannel) {
+        connectionManager.sendToUser(member.userId, {
+          type: 'dm_channel_created',
+          dmChannel: {
+            id: dmChannel.id,
+            createdAt: dmChannel.createdAt,
+            members: users.map(sanitizeUser),
+            lastMessage: message,
+          },
+        });
+      }
+    }
+
+    connectionManager.sendToUser(member.userId, {
+      type: 'dm_message_created',
+      message,
+    });
+  }
+}
+
 export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
   // GET /api/dm - List user's DM channels
   app.get('/api/dm', {
@@ -36,7 +95,10 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
 
     const memberships = db.select()
       .from(schema.dmMembers)
-      .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, request.userId))
+      .where(and(
+        eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, request.userId),
+        eq(schema.dmMembers.closed, 0),
+      ))
       .all();
 
     const dmChannels: DmChannel[] = [];
@@ -115,7 +177,8 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
       return reply.code(404).send({ error: 'User not found', statusCode: 404 });
     }
 
-    // Check if DM channel already exists between these two users (both are members)
+    // Check if DM channel already exists between these two users
+    // (both have membership rows, regardless of closed state)
     const myDms = db.select()
       .from(schema.dmMembers)
       .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, request.userId))
@@ -131,7 +194,7 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
         .get();
 
       if (otherMember) {
-        // DM channel already exists, both users are members
+        // DM channel already exists between these users
         const dmChannel = db.select()
           .from(schema.dmChannels)
           .where(eq(schema.dmChannels.id, myDm.dmChannelId))
@@ -139,6 +202,17 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
 
         if (!dmChannel) continue;
 
+        // Reopen if the requesting user had closed it
+        if (myDm.closed === 1) {
+          db.update(schema.dmMembers)
+            .set({ closed: 0 })
+            .where(and(
+              eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, myDm.dmChannelId),
+              eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, request.userId),
+            ))
+            .run();
+        }
+
         const dmMemberRows = db.select()
           .from(schema.dmMembers)
           .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, myDm.dmChannelId))
@@ -173,79 +247,6 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
       }
     }
 
-    // Check if the other user has a DM channel with us that we left (closed)
-    // If so, re-add ourselves to it instead of creating a new one
-    const theirDms = db.select()
-      .from(schema.dmMembers)
-      .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, userId))
-      .all();
-
-    for (const theirDm of theirDms) {
-      // Check if any messages exist between us on this channel (indicates a previous DM)
-      const dmChannel = db.select()
-        .from(schema.dmChannels)
-        .where(eq(schema.dmChannels.id, theirDm.dmChannelId))
-        .get();
-
-      if (!dmChannel) continue;
-
-      // Check total members — a DM channel should only have the other user if we left
-      const allMembers = db.select()
-        .from(schema.dmMembers)
-        .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, theirDm.dmChannelId))
-        .all();
-
-      // If it's a 1-member channel (just them) or we see past messages from us, re-join
-      const onlyOtherUser = allMembers.length === 1 && allMembers[0]!.userId === userId;
-      if (onlyOtherUser) {
-        // Check if there are any messages from us in this channel (confirms it was our DM)
-        const ourOldMessages = db.select()
-          .from(schema.dmMessages)
-          .where(and(
-            eq(schema.dmMessages.dmChannelId, theirDm.dmChannelId),
-            eq(schema.dmMessages.userId, request.userId),
-          ))
-          .limit(1)
-          .all();
-
-        if (ourOldMessages.length > 0) {
-          // Re-add ourselves to this existing DM channel
-          db.insert(schema.dmMembers).values({
-            dmChannelId: theirDm.dmChannelId,
-            userId: request.userId,
-          }).run();
-
-          const currentUserRow = db.select().from(schema.users).where(eq(schema.users.id, request.userId)).get();
-          const members = [currentUserRow, targetUser]
-            .filter((u): u is NonNullable<typeof u> => u !== undefined)
-            .map(sanitizeUser);
-
-          const lastMsgRows = db.select()
-            .from(schema.dmMessages)
-            .where(eq(schema.dmMessages.dmChannelId, theirDm.dmChannelId))
-            .orderBy(desc(schema.dmMessages.createdAt))
-            .limit(1)
-            .all();
-          const lastMsg = lastMsgRows[0] ?? null;
-
-          const result: DmChannel = {
-            id: dmChannel.id,
-            createdAt: dmChannel.createdAt,
-            members,
-            lastMessage: lastMsg ? {
-              id: lastMsg.id,
-              dmChannelId: lastMsg.dmChannelId,
-              userId: lastMsg.userId,
-              content: lastMsg.content,
-              createdAt: lastMsg.createdAt,
-            } : null,
-          };
-
-          return reply.code(200).send(result);
-        }
-      }
-    }
-
     // Create new DM channel
     const dmChannelId = generateSnowflake();
     const now = Date.now();
@@ -306,8 +307,9 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
       return reply.code(403).send({ error: 'You are not a member of this DM channel', statusCode: 403 });
     }
 
-    // Soft close: remove the user's membership row (Discord-style hide)
-    db.delete(schema.dmMembers)
+    // Soft close: set closed flag (preserves membership for future message delivery)
+    db.update(schema.dmMembers)
+      .set({ closed: 1 })
       .where(and(
         eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, id),
         eq(schema.dmMembers.userId, request.userId),
@@ -428,18 +430,8 @@ export async function dmRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
       user: sanitizeUser(user),
     };
 
-    // Broadcast via WebSocket to all DM members
-    const dmMembers = db.select()
-      .from(schema.dmMembers)
-      .where(eq(schema.dmMembers.dmChannelId, id))
-      .all();
-
-    for (const member of dmMembers) {
-      connectionManager.sendToUser(member.userId, {
-        type: 'dm_message_created',
-        message,
-      });
-    }
+    // Broadcast to all DM members (including those who closed the channel)
+    broadcastDmMessage(id, message);
 
     return reply.code(201).send(message);
   });