diff --git a/packages/shared/src/types.ts b/packages/shared/src/types.ts
index 8cb66112..ffe96fd2 100644
--- a/packages/shared/src/types.ts
+++ b/packages/shared/src/types.ts
@@ -390,7 +390,7 @@ export type ClientEvent =
 
 // Server → Client Events
 export type ServerEvent =
-  | { type: 'ready'; user: User; spaces: SpaceWithChannelsAndMembers[]; dmChannels: DmChannel[]; folders?: SpaceFolder[]; spaceLayout?: SpaceLayoutItem[] | null; layoutUpdatedAt?: number; voiceStates?: Record<string, string[]>; voiceUserStates?: Record<string, { isMuted: boolean; isDeafened: boolean; isCameraOn: boolean; isScreenSharing: boolean }>; readStates?: ReadState[]; activeCalls?: ActiveCallInfo[]; spaceVoiceStates?: Record<string, { spaceMuted: boolean; spaceDeafened: boolean }>; userActivities?: Record<string, Activity[]> }
+  | { type: 'ready'; user: User; spaces: SpaceWithChannelsAndMembers[]; dmChannels: DmChannel[]; folders?: SpaceFolder[]; spaceLayout?: SpaceLayoutItem[] | null; layoutUpdatedAt?: number; voiceStates?: Record<string, string[]>; voiceUserStates?: Record<string, { isMuted: boolean; isDeafened: boolean; isCameraOn: boolean; isScreenSharing: boolean }>; readStates?: ReadState[]; activeCalls?: ActiveCallInfo[]; spaceVoiceStates?: Record<string, { spaceMuted: boolean; spaceDeafened: boolean }>; userActivities?: Record<string, Activity[]>; rejectedPeerOrigins?: string[] }
   | { type: 'message_created'; message: MessageWithUser }
   | { type: 'message_updated'; message: MessageWithUser }
   | { type: 'message_deleted'; messageId: string; channelId: string }
diff --git a/packages/web/src/api/client.ts b/packages/web/src/api/client.ts
index 519a8876..94eece7c 100644
--- a/packages/web/src/api/client.ts
+++ b/packages/web/src/api/client.ts
@@ -224,6 +224,7 @@ export class BackspaceApiClient {
 
   readonly federation: {
     initiatePeering: (data: { remoteOrigin: string }) => Promise<{ peer: FederationPeer }>;
+    ensurePeered: (data: { remoteOrigin: string }) => Promise<{ peeringStatus: string; peerId?: string; error?: string }>;
     peers: () => Promise<{ peers: FederationPeer[] }>;
     revokePeer: (id: string) => Promise<{ success: boolean }>;
     rotatePeerSecret: (id: string) => Promise<{ success: boolean; gracePeriodMs: number }>;
@@ -666,6 +667,10 @@ export class BackspaceApiClient {
         request<{ peer: FederationPeer }>(
           'POST', '/federation/peer/initiate', data
         ),
+      ensurePeered: (data: { remoteOrigin: string }) =>
+        request<{ peeringStatus: string; peerId?: string; error?: string }>(
+          'POST', '/federation/peer/ensure', data
+        ),
       peers: () =>
         request<{ peers: FederationPeer[] }>(
           'GET', '/federation/peers'
diff --git a/packages/web/src/hooks/useWebSocket.ts b/packages/web/src/hooks/useWebSocket.ts
index 44f4c906..99bc55c1 100644
--- a/packages/web/src/hooks/useWebSocket.ts
+++ b/packages/web/src/hooks/useWebSocket.ts
@@ -15,6 +15,13 @@ import { useUIStore } from '../stores/uiStore';
 import { useActivityStore } from '../stores/activityStore';
 import { useDiscoverStore } from '../stores/discoverStore';
 
+// ─── Rejected peer origins (for unreachable member indicators) ───────────────
+const rejectedPeerOrigins = new Set<string>();
+
+export function getRejectedPeerOrigins(): Set<string> {
+  return rejectedPeerOrigins;
+}
+
 // ─── Connection state ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 
 interface ConnectionState {
@@ -364,6 +371,16 @@ function handleEvent(origin: string, event: ServerEvent): void {
         loadFriends();
         loadRequests();
       }
+
+      // Populate rejected peer origins for DM member indicators
+      if (isHome) {
+        rejectedPeerOrigins.clear();
+        if (Array.isArray(event.rejectedPeerOrigins)) {
+          for (const o of event.rejectedPeerOrigins) {
+            rejectedPeerOrigins.add(o);
+          }
+        }
+      }
       break;
 
     case 'message_created':
@@ -638,6 +655,23 @@ function handleEvent(origin: string, event: ServerEvent): void {
       break;
     }
 
+    case 'federation_peer_rejected': {
+      const { addToast } = useUIStore.getState();
+      rejectedPeerOrigins.add(event.peerOrigin);
+      const label = event.peerLabel || event.peerOrigin;
+      addToast(
+        `Cannot relay messages to ${label} — their server requires manual peering approval. Contact their admin to set up peering.`,
+        'warning',
+        10000,
+      );
+      break;
+    }
+
+    case 'federation_peer_active': {
+      rejectedPeerOrigins.delete(event.peerOrigin);
+      break;
+    }
+
     case 'dm_message_deleted':
       removeMessage(event.messageId, event.dmChannelId);
       break;
diff --git a/packages/web/src/stores/instanceStore.ts b/packages/web/src/stores/instanceStore.ts
index 799c4dee..38ad36b3 100644
--- a/packages/web/src/stores/instanceStore.ts
+++ b/packages/web/src/stores/instanceStore.ts
@@ -341,11 +341,25 @@ export const useInstanceStore = create<InstanceState>((set, get) => ({
       // Open WebSocket connection to the remote instance
       connectInstance(origin, response.token);
 
-      // Initiate server-to-server peering for DM relay (non-fatal)
+      // Ensure server-to-server peering for DM relay (non-fatal)
       try {
-        await api.federation.initiatePeering({ remoteOrigin: origin });
+        const peerResult = await api.federation.ensurePeered({ remoteOrigin: origin });
+        if (peerResult.peeringStatus === 'rejected') {
+          const { addToast } = useUIStore.getState();
+          addToast(
+            `Cross-instance messaging unavailable — ${instance.label} requires manual peering approval`,
+            'warning',
+            10000,
+          );
+        } else if (peerResult.peeringStatus === 'pending') {
+          const { addToast } = useUIStore.getState();
+          addToast(
+            `Peering with ${instance.label} in progress — cross-instance messaging will be available shortly`,
+            'info',
+          );
+        }
       } catch (err) {
-        console.warn('[federation] Peering initiation failed (non-fatal):', err);
+        console.warn('[federation] Peering attempt failed (non-fatal):', err);
       }
 
       // Sync instance list to all instances (fire-and-forget)
@@ -977,7 +991,7 @@ export const useInstanceStore = create<InstanceState>((set, get) => ({
             connectInstance(origin, cachedEntry.token);
 
             // Initiate server-to-server peering for DM relay (non-fatal, idempotent)
-            api.federation.initiatePeering({ remoteOrigin: origin }).catch(() => {});
+            api.federation.ensurePeered({ remoteOrigin: origin }).catch(() => {});
           } catch (err) {
             if (isNetworkError(err)) {
               // Instance unreachable (NAT hairpinning, DNS, server down) — token may still be valid