fix: compute target origins for 1-on-1 DMs so pending peers are created

getGroupDmTargetOrigins() returned undefined for 1-on-1 DMs, which
queueOutboxEvent() treated as 'broadcast to all existing peers'. When
no peers existed, nothing was queued and no handshake was ever triggered.
Now always computes target origins from DM participants so the pending
placeholder creation path runs, enabling ensurePeered() → peer/accept
→ approval queue flow.

packages/server/src/utils/federationOutbox.ts

@@ -330,21 +330,23 @@ export function getGroupDmTargetOrigins(dmChannelId: string): string[] | undefin
     .where(eq(schema.dmChannels.id, dmChannelId))
     .get();
 
-  // Not a group DM (no owner) — broadcast to all
+  // Always compute target origins from participants — both 1-on-1 and group DMs.
-  if (!channel?.ownerId) return undefined;
+  // Returning undefined (broadcast to all) would skip the pending-placeholder creation
-
+  // in queueOutboxEvent(), preventing relay when no peer exists yet.
   const participants = getDmParticipants(dmChannelId);
   const ourOrigin = getOurOrigin();
 
   const origins = new Set<string>();
   for (const p of participants) {
-    // Normalize homeInstance to full URL format to match federation_peers.origin
     const normalized = p.homeInstance.startsWith('http') ? p.homeInstance : `https://${p.homeInstance}`;
     if (normalized !== ourOrigin) {
       origins.add(normalized);
     }
   }
 
+  // No remote participants — no relay needed
+  if (origins.size === 0) return undefined;
+
   return Array.from(origins);
 }