fix: multiple federation peering bugs

1. queueOutboxEvent no longer creates pending peer placeholders when
   autoAcceptPeering is disabled — prevents bypassing the admin's
   peering control

2. Approval endpoint checks for 202 before response.ok — when the
   remote also has autoAcceptPeering off, sets peer to awaiting_approval
   instead of incorrectly activating it

3. awaiting_approval status added to Federation panel UI — status label,
   colors, filter options so these peers are visible and manageable

packages/server/src/routes/federation.ts

@@ -996,6 +996,24 @@ export async function federationRoutes(app: FastifyInstance): Promise<void> {
           signal: AbortSignal.timeout(10_000),
         });
 
+        if (response.status === 202) {
+          // Remote instance also has autoAcceptPeering off — they queued our request.
+          // Don't activate our peer. Set to awaiting_approval until their admin also approves.
+          db.update(schema.federationPeers)
+            .set({ status: 'awaiting_approval' })
+            .where(eq(schema.federationPeers.id, peerId))
+            .run();
+          // Delete the approval request since we already acted on it
+          db.delete(schema.peerApprovalRequests)
+            .where(eq(schema.peerApprovalRequests.id, id))
+            .run();
+          return reply.code(200).send({
+            success: true,
+            awaitingRemoteApproval: true,
+            message: 'Remote instance also requires admin approval. Your request has been queued on their side.',
+          });
+        }
+
         if (!response.ok) {
           let errorMessage = `Remote instance rejected handshake (HTTP ${response.status})`;
           try {

packages/server/src/utils/federationOutbox.ts

@@ -152,12 +152,23 @@ export function queueOutboxEvent(
       : peers;
 
     // For targeted origins with no existing peer record, create pending placeholders
+    // (only when autoAcceptPeering is enabled — otherwise the admin controls all peering)
     if (targetPeerOrigins) {
+      const autoAcceptSettings = db
+        .select({ autoAcceptPeering: schema.instanceSettings.autoAcceptPeering })
+        .from(schema.instanceSettings)
+        .where(eq(schema.instanceSettings.id, 1))
+        .get();
+      const autoAcceptPeering = (autoAcceptSettings?.autoAcceptPeering ?? 1) === 1;
+
       const matchedOrigins = new Set(matchedPeers.map(p => p.origin));
 
       for (const origin of targetPeerOrigins) {
         if (matchedOrigins.has(origin)) continue;
 
+        // Don't auto-create placeholders when autoAcceptPeering is off
+        if (!autoAcceptPeering) continue;
+
         // Check if there's a rejected/revoked peer we should skip
         const existingPeer = db
           .select({ status: schema.federationPeers.status })

packages/web/src/components/modals/instanceSettingsPanels/FederationPanel.tsx

@@ -173,6 +173,7 @@ function peerStatusColor(status: string): string {
     case 'pending': return 'bg-accent-lavender/15 text-accent-lavender';
     case 'unreachable': return 'bg-accent-amber/15 text-accent-amber';
     case 'rejected': return 'bg-accent-rose/15 text-accent-rose';
+    case 'awaiting_approval': return 'bg-accent-amber/15 text-accent-amber';
     case 'revoked': return 'bg-white/5 text-txt-tertiary';
     default: return 'bg-white/5 text-txt-tertiary';
   }
@@ -184,6 +185,7 @@ function peerStatusDotColor(status: string): string {
     case 'pending': return 'bg-accent-lavender';
     case 'unreachable': return 'bg-accent-amber';
     case 'rejected': return 'bg-accent-rose';
+    case 'awaiting_approval': return 'bg-accent-amber';
     default: return 'bg-txt-tertiary';
   }
 }
@@ -195,13 +197,14 @@ function peerStatusLabel(status: string): string {
     case 'unreachable': return 'Unreachable';
     case 'rejected': return 'Rejected (auto-peering denied)';
     case 'revoked': return 'Revoked';
+    case 'awaiting_approval': return 'Awaiting Approval';
     default: return status;
   }
 }
 
 type PeerView = 'active' | 'revoked';
 type SortBy = 'name' | 'lastSeen' | 'dateAdded' | 'failures';
-type StatusFilter = 'active' | 'unreachable' | 'pending' | 'rejected';
+type StatusFilter = 'active' | 'unreachable' | 'pending' | 'rejected' | 'awaiting_approval';
 
 // ─── Filter Dropdown ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 
@@ -263,7 +266,7 @@ function FilterDropdown({
             {view === 'active' && (
               <>
                 <div className="text-[10px] font-semibold text-txt-tertiary uppercase tracking-wider px-2 py-1">Status</div>
-                {(['active', 'unreachable', 'pending', 'rejected'] as StatusFilter[]).map((s) => (
+                {(['active', 'unreachable', 'pending', 'rejected', 'awaiting_approval'] as StatusFilter[]).map((s) => (
                   <button
                     key={s}
                     type="button"
@@ -273,7 +276,7 @@ function FilterDropdown({
                     } hover:bg-white/[0.06] transition-colors`}
                   >
                     <div className={`w-2 h-2 rounded-full ${peerStatusDotColor(s)}`} />
-                    <span className="capitalize">{s}</span>
+                    <span className="capitalize">{s === 'awaiting_approval' ? 'Awaiting Approval' : s}</span>
                   </button>
                 ))}
                 <div className="h-px bg-white/[0.06] my-1" />
@@ -734,7 +737,7 @@ export function FederationPanel({ onApprovalCountChange }: { onApprovalCountChan
   const [peersLoading, setPeersLoading] = useState(false);
   const [peersError, setPeersError] = useState('');
   const [view, setView] = useState<PeerView>('active');
-  const [statusFilter, setStatusFilter] = useState<Set<StatusFilter>>(new Set(['active', 'unreachable', 'pending', 'rejected']));
+  const [statusFilter, setStatusFilter] = useState<Set<StatusFilter>>(new Set(['active', 'unreachable', 'pending', 'rejected', 'awaiting_approval']));
   const [sortBy, setSortBy] = useState<SortBy>('name');
   const [expandedPeerId, setExpandedPeerId] = useState<string | null>(null);